a blog by haley

And the writing. Oh, the writing. It couldn’t be any worse. One of Tookie’s (the protagonist) friends comes from a dimly-lit country called Canne del Abra. The very first page includes the line, “the fog lifted like a push-up bra.” There are a gazillion other terrible lines or names but I have blocked them out because this book gave me some weird form of PTSD.

The worst part of all of this is that this is only the first book in a trilogy! NOOOOOO WHHYYYYYYY I doubt the reality of a merciful god! This book is UNSPEAKABLY BAD. I feel that everyone who has read it should come together to file a class-action lawsuit against the publishers. I know I suffered much emotional distress & deserve some kind of compensation. I know that every time I write a terrible review, a few masochistic people who follow my reviews go out and read the books to see if it’s really that bad. PLEASE don’t do that this time. This book actually caused me REAL SUFFERING. Learn from my mistakes, I beg of you!

part of a hilarious review on goodreads (OF MANY) of Tyra Banks’ debut science-fiction novel “Modelland.”

I could read these for hours. The main character’s name is Tookie de la Creme and her mom’s name is Creamy. Creamy de la Creme.

It’s all just too good to be true.